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The anecdotes in this book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work are based on Dr. Gottman’s research. Some of the couples are composites of those who volunteered to take part in his studies. In all cases, names and identifying information have been changed. Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint from After the Honeymoon.
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Cover)
Contents of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work PDF
The contents of he Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Inside the Seatle Love Lab: The Truth about Happy Marriages
- How I Predict Divorce
- Principle 1: Enhance Your Love Maps
- Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration
- Principle 3: Turn toward Each Other Instead of Away
- Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You
- The Two Kinds of Maritial Conflict
- Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problem
- Coping with Typical Solvable Problems
- Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock
- Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning
- Afterword: What Now?
Why save your marriage?
Speaking of those odds, the divorce statistics remain dire. The chance of a first marriage ending in divorce over a forty-year period is 67 percent. Half of all divorces will occur in the first seven years.
Some studies find the divorce rate for second marriages is as much as 10 percent higher than for first-timers. The chance of getting divorced remains so high that it makes sense for all married couples– including those who are currently satisfied with their relationship–to put extra effort into their marriages to keep them strong.
One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither spouse recognizes its value until it is too late. Only after the papers have been signed, the furniture divided, and separate apartments rented do the exes realize how much they really gave up when they gave up on each other. Too often a good marriage is taken for granted rather than given the nurturing and respect it deserves and desperately needs. Some people may think that getting divorced or languishing in an unhappy marriage is no big deal–they may even consider it trendy. But there’s now plenty of evidence documenting just how harmful this can be for all involved.
Thanks to the work of researchers like Lois Verbrugge and James House, both of the University of Michigan, we now know that an unhappy marriage can increase your chances of getting sick by roughly 35 percent and even shorten your life by an average of four years. The flip side: People who are happily married live longer, healthier lives than either divorced people or those who are unhappily married. Scientists know for certain that these differences exist, but we are not yet sure why.
Part of the answer may simply be that in an unhappy marriage people experience chronic, diffuse physiological arousal—in other words, they feel physically stressed and usually emotionally stressed as well. This puts added wear and tear on the body and mind, which can present itself in any number of physical ailments, including high blood pressure and heart disease, and in a host of psychological ones, including anxiety, depression, suicide, violence, psychosis, homicide, and substance abuse.
Not surprisingly, happily married couples have a far lower rate of such maladies. They also tend to be more health-conscious than others.Researchers theorize that this is because spouses keep after each other to have regular checkups, take medicine, eat nutritiously, and so on.
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The Seven Principles for making marriage work quote
Quote from The Seven Principles for making marriage work : A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert:
Working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club ― John Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for making marriage work : A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert
But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage. ― John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
In the midst of a bitter dispute, the husband or wife picks up a ringing telephone and is suddenly all smiles: “Oh, hi. Yes, it would be great to have lunch. No problem, Tuesday would be fine. Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you didn’t get the job. You must feel so disappointed,” and so on. ― John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
The Seven Principles for making marriage work : A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert.
|Title: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work|
|Author: John Gottman’s an Nan Silver|
|Publisher: CROWN PUBLISHERS, INC|
|Genre: Human Development – Marriage|
|Pages: 277 Pages|